Posts Tagged 'Inner Game'

State Control, Pt. 1

This past weekend, I coached the new Pickup Mansion students and found most of them had a lot of trouble controlling their mood in field. So I decided to make a speech about State Control. Below is the gist of what I told them.

What is State Control?

I define State Control as the ability to take actions which produce a desired State in yourself.

State Control is a skill. Furthermore, it’s an elite skill. Consumer culture discourages it, since it depends on people buying all sorts of things they don’t need. In fact, in Western Culture the media almost deny State Control’s existence. Marketing is designed to appeal to people’s natural desire to experience a great State. Naturally, lasting good State does not come from material possessions.

State Control assumes that State has an internal locus of control. That means that the ability to control your State lies within yourself, not outside. Most people in Western countries assume State arises from your external circumstances, like your environment, genes, and upbringing. It’s my experience that that opinion is not only disempowering, but total bullshit.

State Control is a bit rare in our society. But it is not that difficult to develop. It’s mostly a matter of building a habit.

I have a family member who refuses to realize this fact of life. He is a great person, but has a pretty bad lifestyle, because he is totally at the mercy of his State. He is completely reliant upon external circumstances — things, people, and events outside his locus of control — to determine his State. As a result, he is susceptible to all sorts of addictive and obsessive behavior patterns which develop when he relies upon external State-changers.

Many people use drugs or other methods of self-medication to regulate their States. The problem with such methods is that it once again places the locus of control out of oneself. Using drugs (video games, porn, etc.) for State Control is a submissive behavior.

Practicing State Control is one way to be dominant in your life. Giving your environment control over your State is being submissive to your environment. Using State Control is being dominant over your environment. Another way to be dominant over your environment is to change it directly. This can loop back and change your State indirectly. Changing your situation is a more obvious thing and not part of this blog post.

Dominance is an overall characteristic of your personality. Women are attracted to dominant men. Look for ways to increase your dominance in everyday life. The more angles you find to be dominant from, the better.

State Control is one of the secrets of high-value men in our society. Submissiveness can be expected in high-value women, so State Control is often not an issue for them. But high-value men are never submissive.

What States are desired in Life?

Everyone has States which they desire in life. Often they include happiness, freedom, excitement, exuberance, euphoria, calmness, contentedness, and inner peace.

Being able to produce such States in oneself naturally can greatly increase your quality of life. In fact, State Control is one of the secrets to living a happy, exciting, satisfying, fulfilled life. What are your desired States in life?

What States are best for pickup?

Good state is like iron in the blood. Without it, an animal (your game) can still live, but it is listless — anemic. It feels like work. With it, all the processes work much more smoothly. The animal has the energy to achieve its ends. Good State will supercharge game that is technically sound, giving it life and effectiveness.

I like to be talkative, externally-focused, and present while in field. Usually warmups are enough to get me in this state. But if I am in a very introverted mood I will do some of the Brad P Social Freedom Exercises to get in State.

An important part of this State is having relatively little self-talk. That means very little thinking.

I also like to be positive in field. On the inside, I will think about the things in my life I’m grateful for and the good things that are going on in my life. Outwardly, I like to compliment strangers (women I’m not attracted to, and men) and notice and point out cool things in the environment.

I game best in a sexual State, too. Other than having good health and sex drive, I will do things like imagine sex with the girl I’m talking to while gaming in order to amplify my sexual State.

What States do you find useful or fun for pickup?

Next article, I will dive into some specific techniques for State Control that you can begin using right away.

Approach Anxiety Doesn’t Exist

There Is No Approach Anxiety

I had a student the other night who said “I have a little approach anxiety.”

I immediately told him “Nah you’re just excited.”

We have a tendency to jump to conclusions when it comes to emotions. It’s a widely known fact that emotions often boil down to a simple body sensation in combination with a thought.

chillax

What does rejection feel like? For me, it was a pressure in my chest. Loss? Dropping feeling in the stomach. Joy? Surging in the solar plexus. What are the actual sensations of your emotions?

It’s expedient to have shorthand words like “sad” “lonely” “angry” and “enthusiastic” for these sensations that combine with thoughts, so that we can communicate them. A problem arises, however, when we become attached to such sensations. We believe that they define us for that instant. They seem so hard to overcome at times.

The Basic Reframe

Negative emotions usually aren’t useful to me. I like to use a technique that I did not by any means invent, when confronted by an emotion I have deemed useless to me:

  1. As soon as the emotion arises, if it is unpleasant I immediately dis-identify with it. What I mean is I don’t consider it to be part of my being.
  2. Then, I observe very closely what I am feeling and thinking, with no judgement.
  3. Lastly, I reframe the sensations as neutral things, which is what they are.

So, I never get approach anxiety anymore. I do get a little adrenaline and feel my heartbeat speed up before an approach, but that’s just my body getting ready to mate. I never feel rejection anymore, though sometimes my body tries to make adjustments when I leave a set in order to calm my nervous system down since it suddenly doesn’t think I’m going to mate anymore.

The Wrapper

I get angry a couple times a year. Because it’s so rare and because I actually find it useful to motivate me, I really enjoy the anger while it lasts. I say “while it lasts” because wrapping an emotion in another emotion will usually transform the original one. Naturally because I’m not fighting it, the anger tends to subside rather quickly, to be replaced by the parts I’m enjoying, which are the energy and motivation. Negative emotions thrive on resistance. Accept your sensations when they arise. Just observe them.

This is another very useful technique to transform emotions from one to another:

  1. Identify an emotion and its constituent sensations/thoughts you would like to transform.
  2. Get a positive emotion about it.

Try it some time. Get grateful that you’re sad. You don’t need a reason. Get excited about your rejection. (I use that a lot.) Get joyful about your frustration. You can even chain them. Be excited about your gratitude for being sad! Be enthusiastic about your enjoyment of your disappointment! Keep tooling until you find the most effective combinations.

State-break tools like these are priceless. When you get in the habit of disidentifying with your emotions, you’ll be that much more centered in your real identity, which is something much deeper than a few sensations. Try it out and let me know how it goes.

Overcoming Challenges

I was listening to some Buddhist sermons by this English monk in Australia, Ajahn Brahm today:

Check em out here

I love his most of his sermons because they’re directly applicable to everday life, and I like his corny British sense of humor. Anyways, something he said in one of his talks reminded me of an inner game technique I stumbled upon myself as a young man, maybe 18 years old.

I remember that things were going pretty well for me at the time in college and the things I was doing. So when a challenge (negative emotion) came along, it really stood out. I found that if I had a negative emotion, I could short-circuit the effect it had by immediately examining it consciously in order to discover its source.

Once I had figured out the cause of the negative emotion, there was one of two paths to take, depending on the situation. If it was possible to change the situation causing this negative emotion, I could do that. If, on the other hand, the situation was not alterable in any appreciable fashion for some reason, then I would change my attitude toward this situation.

  1. Feel negative emotion.
  2. Do not react to the negative emotion. Instead, examine it and determine its source as best as possible. If there are multiple sources, identify them one at a time.
  3. Either change the (external) situation, or change your attitude toward it, whichever you determine to be more applicable and efficient.

Ajahn Brahm mentioned exactly the same technique, which not surprisingly is a classic Buddhist practice, in his talk “Four Ways of Letting Go.” Essentially the technique I discovered on my own is a way of Letting Go.

An essential ingredient in the most subtle part of this process, changing your attitude toward the situation, is adaptability aka flexibility. At the time when I discovered this technique, I had been reading the famous Chinese spiritual-philosophical classic Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu. I was fascinated by the description of the Tao (The Way (of the Universe and Life)) as “yielding yet strong.”

It is important not to grasp onto outdated modes of thought and habits, instead being adaptable to the present moment. Naturally, you do not want to be so flexible that you lose your spine, your assertiveness. Nor do you want to snap like a dry twig due to being too rigid. Be like the great bamboo tree that can be used to make a boat, but also survives hurricanes.

So stay in the moment and adapt to circumstances. I promise this habit will come in handy when dealing with logistics and in many other parts of pickup and your life in general.


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