Kiss, then look away

One of my favorite things to do after kissing a girl for the first time is to go right back into what I was saying or doing directly after the kiss. If I’m talking about music with my arm around her, I’ll go right back into that subject. If I’m watching a dvd, I’ll just go right back to watching. I’ve been noticing myself doing this both with girls I’m seeing on the regular, and on new dates.

This easy technique can be used with any type of escalation as a way to take “steps back” after taking a couple forward. So, I might go from making out and feeling up her back over her shirt, to feeling her tits inside her bra, then go back to making out and just feeling her back. You could follow with a different (smaller) escalation from there and go back to that later, etc.

This is just one way to do assymetrical escalation — the idea is to keep her guessing, wondering what the next move will be and if it will continue to be so exciting and unpredictable. Try it and comment here on what effect it has.

Dominant Conversation

Women are attracted to dominant guys. In the early stages of seduction, my dominance is on full display.

Some guys overestimate the importance of conversation in pickup, and some underrate it. The truth is, it depends on the profile of woman you’re interacting with. Regardless, some sort of conversation is part of virtually every pickup.

I agree with the general consensus that presence (body language, positioning, voice tone, and fashion) is probably more important, but it must be developed concurrently with verbals. It goes without saying that these conversational ideas work best with killer (dominant) presence.

How can you extend your dominance into verbal interaction?

  • Cut off undesired threads, aka conversational subjects. Remember you don’t need to transition smoothly when you introduce your new thread. If the conversation is going somewhere that doesn’t lead to something that will help me — increasing attraction, connections, rapport, comfort, sexual excitement, etc. — I’ll cut it right off. Threads like politics, religion, injury and death are almost always out. I have no problem being totally uncompromising about what I will and will not talk about. That’s a dominant attitude. Develop that attitude.
  • Cut people off. It sounds rude. Sometimes it is rude. But that’s just the type of guy I am. I am unconcerned about whether people dislike me or even think I’m rude. I never go out of my way to be rude, of course. However I will definitely talk over someone if I think what I have to say is more important. I don’t constantly cut people off or anything, but I will do it without hesitation if I want to say something. I often combine this with cutting/starting a new thread, which is especially effective.
  • Listen selectively. While I hear everything that is said in conversation, I only acknowledge the things which I like. What is it I like? I like friendly banter. I like sexual innuendo. I like flirting. I like making a connection, finding commonalities. I like sharing logistics (how we can get to sex location). She says some things that don’t fit into those categories, and I’ll just ignore them, and move on with the convo. This guideline takes care of most of the tests she’ll throw at you.
  • Talk loud and clear. More of a presence thing, but I’ll include it here because it bears repeating. Keep your throat relaxed and speak in the lowest part of your range that is comfortable. (At high volume, this may not be very low.) Range of voice tone and style is very important as well. Develop your commanding tone, your feminine tone, your seductive/bedroom tone.
  • Master conversational timing. The dramatic pause is so underused these days. It’s just as powerful as ever. As a natural improvisor, I love to put myself on the spot and challenge myself to come up with something off the cuff. A lot of time long pauses result while I think of what to say, which makes it even more powerful. But you don’t need to improv to use pauses. Pauses bring routines to life. They’re essential for humor, as well. Speed up your flow a little for high-energy openers, and slow way down for seduction. A girl can even have an orgasm if you speak softly and sensually enough into her ear . . .
  • Develop your repertoire. Be dominant in all your role-plays (she’s the nurse, you’re the doctor, NOT the patient), and that you come of effortlessly cool and chill (not tryhard) in your stories (“Yeah my friends were really frightened. I just thought it was funny.”). Canned material tends to come off pretty dominant in general, because you’re running the show — you are taking the conversation in a very specific direction during it. That’s one of the secrets to self-scripts, or routines that you make up. Develop routines for every part of the pickup, from opener to sex.

Falling in Love

So I met one of my rotation girls about a year ago on a dating site. She’s the girl from my “IM Game” blog post. She left for a couple months when I wouldn’t go exclusive with her, then came back for a few months.

A couple weeks ago we hung out and made dinner. She was acting unusually calm during the date — usually she’s a bit nervous around me. After she was dropping me off, she told me she was “done.” I asked her why, and it turned out she fell in love with me and couldn’t stand to be with me knowing that we weren’t exclusive boyfriend girlfriend — without pressuring me at all, since she correctly surmised it wasn’t an option for me. I could see she was in pain.

Now I could easily have tried to use some technique or other to get her to stick around. But it is never my intention to hurt someone intentionally. So, I calmly told her good luck and I really enjoyed our time together, and that I understood her decision. There was no way I was going to be in an exclusive relationship with her (if I ever will again), so it was the right decision. I’ve got plenty of girls and new opportunities constantly present themselves.

I’ll probably think twice if she calls back again. Even though her emotions are her responsibility, it might be pretty depressing hanging out with this chick that is in all sorts of pain because of her infatuation. In fact, I might be down for putting her in my friend zone if the chemistry settles down enough. It usually doesn’t work out that way, but I also haven’t ruled it out as a narrow possibility. Then again, people change, so I don’t want to categorically say whether I would date her again or not.

The great thing is, I’ve got choice. I have abundance in life, and am not operating from a place of scarcity like she seems to be. I see the classic female conundrum over and over. A beautiful woman wants to be in an exclusive relatioinship, but can’t find a guy that she is attracted to, so she either ends up in a boring, safe relationship with a classic “nice guy” (non-dominant guy that can’t get her blood pumping) or gets with a player who meets her need for excitement and sexual pleasure but won’t fall for her.

I’d rather be in the second category any day.

Sexual Innuendo

Students get confused sometimes when they hear that they should “be sexual” with women. “Being sexual” has a few components: sexual body language, sexual voice tone, sexual kino (touching), and sexual verbals.

Sexual verbals are not well understood by many students. Most understand how to do dirty talk or direct sexual talk, but that is generally not used until end game or relationship game. Sexual verbals in the early part of an interaction with a new person usually take the form of sexual innuendo.

Sean Connery 007

Sexual innuendo is the art of bringing a sexual frame indirectly into conversation. In that way, it is also a form of frame control. Watch out for anything that can be reinterpreted in a sexual context: people, things, and events in your environment, words that are said or overheard, etc.

Sexual innuendos are often created using double entendres. A double entendre results when one says or interprets words said before in a (presumably unintended) sexual way. This is similar to the game of “That’s what she said” which in itself is a humorous sexual innuendo game you can play with women. Women appreciate this type of humor, since it is indirect and relies on close observation of various levels of social interaction.

Some examples of ways sexual innuendo can be created:

1. Riff off something you yourself say:
She: “I’m sick today.”
Me: “Aw, you’re sick? If I were there I would make you hot soup and rub your head in my lap — and then I’d rub something else…”

2. Riff off something she says:
She: “The pink fruit bars taste terrible.”
Me: “Good, I have a purple one. But maybe I’ll taste your pink fruit later.”

3. Once you have set up a sexual undertone to the conversation, you can riff off something that isn’t even remotely sexual, but use emphasis to make it sound sexual:
She: “I’m watching TV with my friends.”
Me: “Oh, you’re watching tee-VEE huh?”

Part of the fun of innuendos is that they can be denied, since they depend on delivery, tone, and context. It’s especially fun to deny an innuendo when it is delivered on the obvious side.

Example:
She: “Open it up and see if you can squeeze it in.”
Me: “Oh yeah, I’ll squeeze it in, baby.”
She: “Oh my god, that’s not what I meant!”
Me: “What? I was just agreeing with you… Baby.”

Denying an innuendo like this has the added benefit of confusing her. Or, try denying the third type of innuendo above, the kind where there isn’t even a sexual context to refer to — it’s even easier to deny and more confusing. Women love not knowing where they stand in a conversation with a man. It means he is mentally dominant.

Delivery of sexual innuendos can be subtle or very obvious, depending on the situation and desired effect. By “subtle” I mean that you don’t particularly emphasize the innuendo, and “obvious” is when you do emphasize it. Here is a little chart with the levels of subtlety and their effect:

very subtle (no emphasis) = unconscious/subconscious sexual undertone
subtle = confusion and/or subconscious sexual undertone
medium = sexual undertone and/or slight humor
obvious = sexual overtone and/or humor
very obvious = slight sexual overtone and/or silly over-the-top humor

I find the sweet spot is somewhere between subtle and medium on this chart — a medium-subtle delivery. That is because it rides the line between confusiom, sexual tone, and humor. Sometimes you can pitch it just right and get all three. If your innuendo is getting your woman horny, try increasing the emphasis. If she rolls her eyes, chances are you need to be more subtle.

For women that are more socially aware/sophisticated, shift your range of delivery more toward the subtle side; a little emphasis goes a long way with them.

You can vary the delivery over the course of an interaction to lead the mood in the direction you want to go. Or, if you’re finding one type of delivery is not working, you can switch it up. In fact, veering between extremes of delivery can be an effective technique in and of itself. For example, you could use obvious humorous delivery, then drop sexual innuendo entirely and opt for direct dominant sexual statements.

The subtlest forms of sexual innuendo are things like the embedded commands that NLP experts specialize in. The great thing is that a lot of times, making them obvious is just as effective. That’s one of the principles of seduction, actually: her level of awareness that she is being seduced is not related to the effectiveness of the seduction. Sometimes her being aware of the seduction can even be helpful.

Relationship Seekers

So I just sent off one of my rotation girls. She wanted to kick it all night here, but I wanted my valuable sleep time. Jake P and I just returned from the Chicago Workshop today, and she texted me earlier wondering if I was back yet. When I called her, she told me she wanted to come over and take advantage of me. We’ve been seeing each other three or four weeks.

A week ago she sent me a text that we “have no future.” I didn’t respond, and of course by the weekend she was bursting with curiosity and probably frustration. It’s not that I wanted to frustrate her, but comments like that don’t merit a response, not least because I don’t believe hers even has meaning. The only time that exists is now in my opinion — the future is a cipher.

After sex, she began with the questions (in italics). Here’s how I responded.

So you have a girlfriend right?
No, I have 900 girlfriends in cities around the world. I have twelve in Khartoum, three in Mogadishu, eleven in Kathmandu, a bunch in other cities with weird names, and the rest are in Antarctica.
I know you do. What’s her name?
Their names are … what’s an old school name? Oh yeah, Betty. Then there’s Ethel, Dorothy–
and Maude! [here she was playing along]
Exactly.

(later, cuddling after sex)
Do you love her?
I love a lot of things.
So, you do. I know you do.
I have a lot of love to give.
There’s a lot of LA Phil to go around.
I love the world.

Good times


I just coached a public workshop here in Hollywood with Jake P this weekend. The students had a great attitude and really impressed us with their ability to make quick adjustments. It doesn’t hurt that one of the students got laid. I met a girl on the workshop and got together with her last night. Guess I should wash my sheets…

State Control, Pt. 2

Last time, I wrote about what State Control is and how it can fit into your life. Now I’ll continue with the nuts and bolts. How do you implement this skill?

Step 1: Awareness

The first step in many inner game processes, and life skills in general, is Awareness. It’s only possible to make alterations if you can pay attention to things and notice when Action is necessary. For State Control, Awareness is key. It involves staying conscious of your emotional State in the moment. The instant your State begins to drop below a level where you can perform (pick up) optimally is the time to take action with the next steps.

It is not at all difficult to notice your subjective State. However, maintaining a consistent habit of Awareness is only possible with a good amount of practice over time. Also, the habit of inner Awareness takes mental energy to develop. Mental energy is tied to physical energy, so if you find it is challenging to summon the necessary mental vitality, look to increase your overall health and energy level. Common methods for this include diet, exercise, meditation, et cetera.

Step 2: Action

Notice that Step 2 is NOT diagnosis. In the field (while picking up), it is generally disadvantageous to attempt diagnosis. Avoid talking or thinking about game in the field, as it can get you out of State or put you into an introverted mood. (Read my winging post to see how to talk about your set effectively with your wing. Hint: don’t ever talk about concepts or generalities.) Diagnosis can happen once you’re out of the field and journaling about your outing. Live coaching is great for diagnosis, too, because coaches have more objectivity than you by definition.

Types of Actions

  • Immediately open another set. This one is a favored technique to prevent blowouts from affecting State negatively. But in general it’s a great way to prevent your mind from beginning thought processes, which in general are not helpful in the field.
  • Talk to anyone. This one is great if you’re not in a talkative mood yet. Jake P and I do this a lot, blurting out random stuff to people just to entertain ourselves, et cetera. I’ve noticed too few students do it.
  • Wings. Wings can be great to raise your State. In fact, this fact is the main reason why so many guys have trouble going out solo to pick up. Don’t let them be a crutch for you. Example: I remember one New Year’s Eve, Jake P and I were out in Hollywood. We were both feeling sleep-deprived and run down at the venue. As soon as we became aware of this though, we began double high-fiving each other and yelling “YEAH!” (I had to jump to reach Jake’s hands, which helped pump me up even more.) About five seconds later, this big set of girls opened us and about an hour after that, we were pulling them back to their place. I think I broke this girl’s bathroom tile while having sex in there, but that’s another story.
  • Body Language. Communication from your body goes into your nervous system and brain as well as out into your environment. So adopt a pose which is aligned with the State you wish to create within yourself. The double high-fives above are a good example of this, too.
  • Reframe. Sometimes a purely mental Action goes a long way to improving State. Tony Robbins, the famed self-help author, writes a lot about this sort of thing. Many of them are visualization techniques. Example: I used to be uncomfortable in bars, primarily because I didn’t drink and didn’t have any idea how to cold approach, so they didn’t have a point to me. When I started to go out, I got some venue anxiety. One time I was in this ritzy bar in Hollywood and I felt that venue anxiety again for the umpteenth time. This time I was practicing Awareness, though. So I just lifted my head up and imagined that it was my living room, and the rest of my house was actually upstairs. I was having a house party! Immediately my body language relaxed. I began saying welcome to people, clinking glasses with them, and asking them if they’re having a good night. It was as if people did think I was the host. After that, I rarely had venue anxiety again.
  • Other Actions. There are countless other ways to quickly improve your State in a healthy, productive way. Can you think of any?

Step 3: Return to Awareness

Taking a particular Action is only useful if you actually see a benefit from it. So Step 3 is to chek back in with yourself after taking that Action. Sometimes this step isn’t even necessary, because good State feels “right.” Being in a bad State feels “wrong” so it is relatively simple to conclude that more Action is required. It’s important to return to Awareness if a particular technique has not worked to change/improve your State. Use your Awareness in the moment to judge an Action’s effectiveness and quickly decide on another course of Action if it has not functioned well for you.

After a short time trying out various Actions, you will begin to see which ones work well for you consistently. Ideally, you will eventually take these Actions automatically to improve your State. That’s how it is for me. You can do it too. Be patient and take it step by step.

And enjoy your awesome State!


What I Can Offer You

I do one-on-one instruction in addition to the workshops I teach. Also, I'm available for phone consultations. Call Drew at BradP.com for details:
+1 (702) 516-8879

Check out the Brad P workshop schedule here.

Here is what some students have said about their experiences coaching with me:

"Brad, along with LA Phil, were probably the best, most accurate, most perceptive, most caring, most concerned, most legit teachers I have ever had. I am so fucking impressed."

"LA Phil has some insanely strong inner game, which really shines through with how he handles shit tests from girls."

"LA Phil just kept very positive and kept reframing everything into the positive of what I could do and then move forward from there. He never talked down to me or took any misstep as a blow to his ego as a teacher."

"I would recommend that anyone take a 1 on 1 with LA Phil to get their game evaluated, sized up, and improved and to see some great examples of someone who really has this down to a T."

"LA Phil and Jake P are simply phenomenal, both in skill and in coaching."

"LA Phil is a great coach . . . He helped fix my voice tonality and body positioning when opening girls. He was really good at pushing me into difficult sets."

"Go for a one-on-one with LA Phil. You will improve drastically after one session as long as you stay focused and aware."

Brad P.

Voted #1 Pickup Artist in the World


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