Kiss, then look away

One of my favorite things to do after kissing a girl for the first time is to go right back into what I was saying or doing directly after the kiss. If I’m talking about music with my arm around her, I’ll go right back into that subject. If I’m watching a dvd, I’ll just go right back to watching. I’ve been noticing myself doing this both with girls I’m seeing on the regular, and on new dates.

This easy technique can be used with any type of escalation as a way to take “steps back” after taking a couple forward. So, I might go from making out and feeling up her back over her shirt, to feeling her tits inside her bra, then go back to making out and just feeling her back. You could follow with a different (smaller) escalation from there and go back to that later, etc.

This is just one way to do assymetrical escalation — the idea is to keep her guessing, wondering what the next move will be and if it will continue to be so exciting and unpredictable. Try it and comment here on what effect it has.

Dominant Conversation

Women are attracted to dominant guys. In the early stages of seduction, my dominance is on full display.

Some guys overestimate the importance of conversation in pickup, and some underrate it. The truth is, it depends on the profile of woman you’re interacting with. Regardless, some sort of conversation is part of virtually every pickup.

I agree with the general consensus that presence (body language, positioning, voice tone, and fashion) is probably more important, but it must be developed concurrently with verbals. It goes without saying that these conversational ideas work best with killer (dominant) presence.

How can you extend your dominance into verbal interaction?

• Cut off undesired threads, aka conversational subjects. Remember you don’t need to transition smoothly when you introduce your new thread. If the conversation is going somewhere that doesn’t lead to something that will help me — increasing attraction, connections, rapport, comfort, sexual excitement, etc. — I’ll cut it right off. Threads like politics, religion, injury and death are almost always out. I have no problem being totally uncompromising about what I will and will not talk about. That’s a dominant attitude. Develop that attitude.
• Cut people off. It sounds rude. Sometimes it is rude. But that’s just the type of guy I am. I am unconcerned about whether people dislike me or even think I’m rude. I never go out of my way to be rude, of course. However I will definitely talk over someone if I think what I have to say is more important. I don’t constantly cut people off or anything, but I will do it without hesitation if I want to say something. I often combine this with cutting/starting a new thread, which is especially effective.
• Listen selectively. While I hear everything that is said in conversation, I only acknowledge the things which I like. What is it I like? I like friendly banter. I like sexual innuendo. I like flirting. I like making a connection, finding commonalities. I like sharing logistics (how we can get to sex location). She says some things that don’t fit into those categories, and I’ll just ignore them, and move on with the convo. This guideline takes care of most of the tests she’ll throw at you.
• Talk loud and clear. More of a presence thing, but I’ll include it here because it bears repeating. Keep your throat relaxed and speak in the lowest part of your range that is comfortable. (At high volume, this may not be very low.) Range of voice tone and style is very important as well. Develop your commanding tone, your feminine tone, your seductive/bedroom tone.
• Master conversational timing. The dramatic pause is so underused these days. It’s just as powerful as ever. As a natural improvisor, I love to put myself on the spot and challenge myself to come up with something off the cuff. A lot of time long pauses result while I think of what to say, which makes it even more powerful. But you don’t need to improv to use pauses. Pauses bring routines to life. They’re essential for humor, as well. Speed up your flow a little for high-energy openers, and slow way down for seduction. A girl can even have an orgasm if you speak softly and sensually enough into her ear . . .
• Develop your repertoire. Be dominant in all your role-plays (she’s the nurse, you’re the doctor, NOT the patient), and that you come of effortlessly cool and chill (not tryhard) in your stories (“Yeah my friends were really frightened. I just thought it was funny.”). Canned material tends to come off pretty dominant in general, because you’re running the show — you are taking the conversation in a very specific direction during it. That’s one of the secrets to self-scripts, or routines that you make up. Develop routines for every part of the pickup, from opener to sex.

Falling in Love

So I met one of my rotation girls about a year ago on a dating site. She’s the girl from my “IM Game” blog post. She left for a couple months when I wouldn’t go exclusive with her, then came back for a few months.

A couple weeks ago we hung out and made dinner. She was acting unusually calm during the date — usually she’s a bit nervous around me. After she was dropping me off, she told me she was “done.” I asked her why, and it turned out she fell in love with me and couldn’t stand to be with me knowing that we weren’t exclusive boyfriend girlfriend — without pressuring me at all, since she correctly surmised it wasn’t an option for me. I could see she was in pain.

Now I could easily have tried to use some technique or other to get her to stick around. But it is never my intention to hurt someone intentionally. So, I calmly told her good luck and I really enjoyed our time together, and that I understood her decision. There was no way I was going to be in an exclusive relationship with her (if I ever will again), so it was the right decision. I’ve got plenty of girls and new opportunities constantly present themselves.

I’ll probably think twice if she calls back again. Even though her emotions are her responsibility, it might be pretty depressing hanging out with this chick that is in all sorts of pain because of her infatuation. In fact, I might be down for putting her in my friend zone if the chemistry settles down enough. It usually doesn’t work out that way, but I also haven’t ruled it out as a narrow possibility. Then again, people change, so I don’t want to categorically say whether I would date her again or not.

The great thing is, I’ve got choice. I have abundance in life, and am not operating from a place of scarcity like she seems to be. I see the classic female conundrum over and over. A beautiful woman wants to be in an exclusive relatioinship, but can’t find a guy that she is attracted to, so she either ends up in a boring, safe relationship with a classic “nice guy” (non-dominant guy that can’t get her blood pumping) or gets with a player who meets her need for excitement and sexual pleasure but won’t fall for her.

I’d rather be in the second category any day.

Sexual Innuendo

Students get confused sometimes when they hear that they should “be sexual” with women. “Being sexual” has a few components: sexual body language, sexual voice tone, sexual kino (touching), and sexual verbals.

Sexual verbals are not well understood by many students. Most understand how to do dirty talk or direct sexual talk, but that is generally not used until end game or relationship game. Sexual verbals in the early part of an interaction with a new person usually take the form of sexual innuendo.

Sexual innuendo is the art of bringing a sexual frame indirectly into conversation. In that way, it is also a form of frame control. Watch out for anything that can be reinterpreted in a sexual context: people, things, and events in your environment, words that are said or overheard, etc.

Sexual innuendos are often created using double entendres. A double entendre results when one says or interprets words said before in a (presumably unintended) sexual way. This is similar to the game of “That’s what she said” which in itself is a humorous sexual innuendo game you can play with women. Women appreciate this type of humor, since it is indirect and relies on close observation of various levels of social interaction.

Some examples of ways sexual innuendo can be created:

1. Riff off something you yourself say:
She: “I’m sick today.”
Me: “Aw, you’re sick? If I were there I would make you hot soup and rub your head in my lap — and then I’d rub something else…”

2. Riff off something she says:
She: “The pink fruit bars taste terrible.”
Me: “Good, I have a purple one. But maybe I’ll taste your pink fruit later.”

3. Once you have set up a sexual undertone to the conversation, you can riff off something that isn’t even remotely sexual, but use emphasis to make it sound sexual:
She: “I’m watching TV with my friends.”
Me: “Oh, you’re watching tee-VEE huh?”

Part of the fun of innuendos is that they can be denied, since they depend on delivery, tone, and context. It’s especially fun to deny an innuendo when it is delivered on the obvious side.

Example:
She: “Open it up and see if you can squeeze it in.”
Me: “Oh yeah, I’ll squeeze it in, baby.”
She: “Oh my god, that’s not what I meant!”
Me: “What? I was just agreeing with you… Baby.”

Denying an innuendo like this has the added benefit of confusing her. Or, try denying the third type of innuendo above, the kind where there isn’t even a sexual context to refer to — it’s even easier to deny and more confusing. Women love not knowing where they stand in a conversation with a man. It means he is mentally dominant.

Delivery of sexual innuendos can be subtle or very obvious, depending on the situation and desired effect. By “subtle” I mean that you don’t particularly emphasize the innuendo, and “obvious” is when you do emphasize it. Here is a little chart with the levels of subtlety and their effect:

very subtle (no emphasis) = unconscious/subconscious sexual undertone
subtle = confusion and/or subconscious sexual undertone
medium = sexual undertone and/or slight humor
obvious = sexual overtone and/or humor
very obvious = slight sexual overtone and/or silly over-the-top humor

I find the sweet spot is somewhere between subtle and medium on this chart — a medium-subtle delivery. That is because it rides the line between confusiom, sexual tone, and humor. Sometimes you can pitch it just right and get all three. If your innuendo is getting your woman horny, try increasing the emphasis. If she rolls her eyes, chances are you need to be more subtle.

For women that are more socially aware/sophisticated, shift your range of delivery more toward the subtle side; a little emphasis goes a long way with them.

You can vary the delivery over the course of an interaction to lead the mood in the direction you want to go. Or, if you’re finding one type of delivery is not working, you can switch it up. In fact, veering between extremes of delivery can be an effective technique in and of itself. For example, you could use obvious humorous delivery, then drop sexual innuendo entirely and opt for direct dominant sexual statements.

The subtlest forms of sexual innuendo are things like the embedded commands that NLP experts specialize in. The great thing is that a lot of times, making them obvious is just as effective. That’s one of the principles of seduction, actually: her level of awareness that she is being seduced is not related to the effectiveness of the seduction. Sometimes her being aware of the seduction can even be helpful.

Relationship Seekers

So I just sent off one of my rotation girls. She wanted to kick it all night here, but I wanted my valuable sleep time. Jake P and I just returned from the Chicago Workshop today, and she texted me earlier wondering if I was back yet. When I called her, she told me she wanted to come over and take advantage of me. We’ve been seeing each other three or four weeks.

A week ago she sent me a text that we “have no future.” I didn’t respond, and of course by the weekend she was bursting with curiosity and probably frustration. It’s not that I wanted to frustrate her, but comments like that don’t merit a response, not least because I don’t believe hers even has meaning. The only time that exists is now in my opinion — the future is a cipher.

After sex, she began with the questions (in italics). Here’s how I responded.

So you have a girlfriend right?
No, I have 900 girlfriends in cities around the world. I have twelve in Khartoum, three in Mogadishu, eleven in Kathmandu, a bunch in other cities with weird names, and the rest are in Antarctica.
I know you do. What’s her name?
Their names are … what’s an old school name? Oh yeah, Betty. Then there’s Ethel, Dorothy–
and Maude! [here she was playing along]
Exactly.

(later, cuddling after sex)
Do you love her?
I love a lot of things.
So, you do. I know you do.
I have a lot of love to give.
There’s a lot of LA Phil to go around.
I love the world.

Good times

I just coached a public workshop here in Hollywood with Jake P this weekend. The students had a great attitude and really impressed us with their ability to make quick adjustments. It doesn’t hurt that one of the students got laid. I met a girl on the workshop and got together with her last night. Guess I should wash my sheets…

State Control, Pt. 2

Last time, I wrote about what State Control is and how it can fit into your life. Now I’ll continue with the nuts and bolts. How do you implement this skill?

Step 1: Awareness

The first step in many inner game processes, and life skills in general, is Awareness. It’s only possible to make alterations if you can pay attention to things and notice when Action is necessary. For State Control, Awareness is key. It involves staying conscious of your emotional State in the moment. The instant your State begins to drop below a level where you can perform (pick up) optimally is the time to take action with the next steps.

It is not at all difficult to notice your subjective State. However, maintaining a consistent habit of Awareness is only possible with a good amount of practice over time. Also, the habit of inner Awareness takes mental energy to develop. Mental energy is tied to physical energy, so if you find it is challenging to summon the necessary mental vitality, look to increase your overall health and energy level. Common methods for this include diet, exercise, meditation, et cetera.

Step 2: Action

Notice that Step 2 is NOT diagnosis. In the field (while picking up), it is generally disadvantageous to attempt diagnosis. Avoid talking or thinking about game in the field, as it can get you out of State or put you into an introverted mood. (Read my winging post to see how to talk about your set effectively with your wing. Hint: don’t ever talk about concepts or generalities.) Diagnosis can happen once you’re out of the field and journaling about your outing. Live coaching is great for diagnosis, too, because coaches have more objectivity than you by definition.

Types of Actions

• Immediately open another set. This one is a favored technique to prevent blowouts from affecting State negatively. But in general it’s a great way to prevent your mind from beginning thought processes, which in general are not helpful in the field.
• Talk to anyone. This one is great if you’re not in a talkative mood yet. Jake P and I do this a lot, blurting out random stuff to people just to entertain ourselves, et cetera. I’ve noticed too few students do it.
• Wings. Wings can be great to raise your State. In fact, this fact is the main reason why so many guys have trouble going out solo to pick up. Don’t let them be a crutch for you. Example: I remember one New Year’s Eve, Jake P and I were out in Hollywood. We were both feeling sleep-deprived and run down at the venue. As soon as we became aware of this though, we began double high-fiving each other and yelling “YEAH!” (I had to jump to reach Jake’s hands, which helped pump me up even more.) About five seconds later, this big set of girls opened us and about an hour after that, we were pulling them back to their place. I think I broke this girl’s bathroom tile while having sex in there, but that’s another story.
• Body Language. Communication from your body goes into your nervous system and brain as well as out into your environment. So adopt a pose which is aligned with the State you wish to create within yourself. The double high-fives above are a good example of this, too.
• Reframe. Sometimes a purely mental Action goes a long way to improving State. Tony Robbins, the famed self-help author, writes a lot about this sort of thing. Many of them are visualization techniques. Example: I used to be uncomfortable in bars, primarily because I didn’t drink and didn’t have any idea how to cold approach, so they didn’t have a point to me. When I started to go out, I got some venue anxiety. One time I was in this ritzy bar in Hollywood and I felt that venue anxiety again for the umpteenth time. This time I was practicing Awareness, though. So I just lifted my head up and imagined that it was my living room, and the rest of my house was actually upstairs. I was having a house party! Immediately my body language relaxed. I began saying welcome to people, clinking glasses with them, and asking them if they’re having a good night. It was as if people did think I was the host. After that, I rarely had venue anxiety again.
• Other Actions. There are countless other ways to quickly improve your State in a healthy, productive way. Can you think of any?

Step 3: Return to Awareness

Taking a particular Action is only useful if you actually see a benefit from it. So Step 3 is to chek back in with yourself after taking that Action. Sometimes this step isn’t even necessary, because good State feels “right.” Being in a bad State feels “wrong” so it is relatively simple to conclude that more Action is required. It’s important to return to Awareness if a particular technique has not worked to change/improve your State. Use your Awareness in the moment to judge an Action’s effectiveness and quickly decide on another course of Action if it has not functioned well for you.

After a short time trying out various Actions, you will begin to see which ones work well for you consistently. Ideally, you will eventually take these Actions automatically to improve your State. That’s how it is for me. You can do it too. Be patient and take it step by step.

And enjoy your awesome State!

State Control, Pt. 1

This past weekend, I coached the new Pickup Mansion students and found most of them had a lot of trouble controlling their mood in field. So I decided to make a speech about State Control. Below is the gist of what I told them.

What is State Control?

I define State Control as the ability to take actions which produce a desired State in yourself.

State Control is a skill. Furthermore, it’s an elite skill. Consumer culture discourages it, since it depends on people buying all sorts of things they don’t need. In fact, in Western Culture the media almost deny State Control’s existence. Marketing is designed to appeal to people’s natural desire to experience a great State. Naturally, lasting good State does not come from material possessions.

State Control assumes that State has an internal locus of control. That means that the ability to control your State lies within yourself, not outside. Most people in Western countries assume State arises from your external circumstances, like your environment, genes, and upbringing. It’s my experience that that opinion is not only disempowering, but total bullshit.

State Control is a bit rare in our society. But it is not that difficult to develop. It’s mostly a matter of building a habit.

I have a family member who refuses to realize this fact of life. He is a great person, but has a pretty bad lifestyle, because he is totally at the mercy of his State. He is completely reliant upon external circumstances — things, people, and events outside his locus of control — to determine his State. As a result, he is susceptible to all sorts of addictive and obsessive behavior patterns which develop when he relies upon external State-changers.

Many people use drugs or other methods of self-medication to regulate their States. The problem with such methods is that it once again places the locus of control out of oneself. Using drugs (video games, porn, etc.) for State Control is a submissive behavior.

Practicing State Control is one way to be dominant in your life. Giving your environment control over your State is being submissive to your environment. Using State Control is being dominant over your environment. Another way to be dominant over your environment is to change it directly. This can loop back and change your State indirectly. Changing your situation is a more obvious thing and not part of this blog post.

Dominance is an overall characteristic of your personality. Women are attracted to dominant men. Look for ways to increase your dominance in everyday life. The more angles you find to be dominant from, the better.

State Control is one of the secrets of high-value men in our society. Submissiveness can be expected in high-value women, so State Control is often not an issue for them. But high-value men are never submissive.

What States are desired in Life?

Everyone has States which they desire in life. Often they include happiness, freedom, excitement, exuberance, euphoria, calmness, contentedness, and inner peace.

Being able to produce such States in oneself naturally can greatly increase your quality of life. In fact, State Control is one of the secrets to living a happy, exciting, satisfying, fulfilled life. What are your desired States in life?

What States are best for pickup?

Good state is like iron in the blood. Without it, an animal (your game) can still live, but it is listless — anemic. It feels like work. With it, all the processes work much more smoothly. The animal has the energy to achieve its ends. Good State will supercharge game that is technically sound, giving it life and effectiveness.

I like to be talkative, externally-focused, and present while in field. Usually warmups are enough to get me in this state. But if I am in a very introverted mood I will do some of the Brad P Social Freedom Exercises to get in State.

An important part of this State is having relatively little self-talk. That means very little thinking.

I also like to be positive in field. On the inside, I will think about the things in my life I’m grateful for and the good things that are going on in my life. Outwardly, I like to compliment strangers (women I’m not attracted to, and men) and notice and point out cool things in the environment.

I game best in a sexual State, too. Other than having good health and sex drive, I will do things like imagine sex with the girl I’m talking to while gaming in order to amplify my sexual State.

What States do you find useful or fun for pickup?

Next article, I will dive into some specific techniques for State Control that you can begin using right away.

Rotationland

The title is Jake P‘s term for the vibe of having a rotation. This is just a quick peak into that lifestyle.

I’ve got three girls on the go at the moment, not including the girl from the LR from the weekend, and I have a couple dates coming up with new girls as well.

One of my girls texted me today because she has free tickets to see a famous musician. I’m going to the museum in a couple days with the artsy one. And tonight, I had over this social circle girl I’ve been seeing.

This girl has a boyfriend of several years. He sounds like a loser, but I don’t pry. She’s obviously not happy in her relationship and she feels sexually unsatisfied by him. So I provide pleasure and satisfaction to her. Tonight things got pretty intense in the sack. She loves dirty talk. I made her say she was my little slut. I spanked her ass till it was red. Then I slapped her face a little and she said she liked that.

After we finished, I got really inspired to work on a new project. So I told her to get herself a drink, whatever she wanted from the fridge. This girl understands my dedication to my goals so she stays out of my way at times like these. As I was working away, I pointed over to my laundry and told her to fold it.

I got a nice bit done on this project and my laundry is all folded and put away now. Have I mentioned I love my life? Probably. But it bears repeating.

LR: Repeat after me

Last night I was coaching a 1-on-1 with a 30-30 student (AcquiredTaste for those of you on the 30-30 forum). He did great. Got out of his comfort zone, tried some new things, and got some better results.

Around 1am we ended up in a crowded dance bar in Hollywood. As we are pushing through the dense crowd toward the back, a short, cute girl heads toward me with a beer in her hand, also pushing through the crowd.

Me: Drink up! [eye contact]
Her: You drink up!
Me: Now you’re trying to get me drunk? [kino arm]
Her: You’re trying to get me drunk!
Me: Oh no. You’re trouble. [sexual EC, pulling her in from waist]
Her: You’re trouble!
Me: [grab back of neck and speak into ear] Listen little girl. You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.

Heavy EC, she gives me “the look” for about 1 second, then she comes in for the makeout. She’s a good kisser. I feel up her big tits a little. We make out for a few seconds. I stop it first. I ask her who she’s there with. She is avoiding. I can tell her logistics must be bad. She tells me she has to leave now. I’m thinking maybe I can find a place in the back of the bar to escalate her instead.

Even though she said she has to go, I pull her by the hand to the back of the bar. She is gripping tight. I pull her (AcquiredTaste in tow) to the back of the bar, more makeout. This is about 90 seconds after “drink up.” I attempt to take a tit out to suck on it, but she doesn’t allow. But it seems that her guy friends were just walking by us at that moment. She asks me to hide her. I open my jacket and she ducks in. Not sure if it’s working but it’s fun. I ask her name and tell her I’ll protect her. We make out a little more, then she says “he’s waiting” and she has to go. I tell her we will hang out in an hour (when I’m done coaching). The interaction lasted about 6 minutes.

Afterwards AcquiredTaste told me a girl whose number I got about an hour earlier was watching the entire approach makeout from ten feet away. I had noticed her when we walked in, but couldn’t see her above the crowd during this approach. I’ll probably text that other girl soon.

I go back to coaching AcquireTaste until we wrap up a little after 2am. I call the makeout girl around 2:15. She picks up. I hear dudes’ voices in the background. She is drunker. I try to get logistics but she is too distracted. The line disconnects. I chalk it up to another crazy night on the town. No worries.

I drop by a friend’s and start watching a movie. We’re chilling when around 3:15am I get a text from her: “Where r u?”

For me, that translates to “I am ready to fuck NOW.” We text back and forth a bit. She won’t text her address, so I call her. I am really chill and laid back. She is compliant. She tells me how to get to her place & hints she wants more alcohol. I get some vodka from my place. I get there and she’s not too drunk at all. This makes me happy. And horny.

She has a cute cat. I pet it. I pour a couple drinks. We get about 3 sips in. No LMR (as usual). I dug the way she screamed and moaned.